Weight Loss & Freedom

In my previous post, I've talked about trying out my friend Shamine's "Sensitive Superwoman" coaching. Throughout the call, I've realized that all of the issues that I had in my life has been solved. The last thing that I've struggled the most is about my weight loss journey. As she is asking her questions, it just hit me that all of the big things that I've struggled was solved because of my husband.

He has been my rock and without me realizing it, it has been 10 years since we've met and been together. I think I don't give him enough credit for being my support system, changing me for the better and helping me become stronger mentally and loving myself. We went through a lot and he has been the rock and sole reason why this relationship is still intact. So if he has been all that for me then why was I so stuck with weight loss? Couldn't I just talked to him about it?

I couldn't mainly because I knew he wanted a hot wife and weight is a need all men must have. Since it was a sensitive topic for me to talk about, I was super defensive whenever this topic came up. I was super insecure, especially when I found out about him keeping photos of my friends and some of his exes or girls that he has interest on from my Facebook account. That broke me because it occurred twice. Also the encounter I had when I found out he almost cheated on me with a prostitute on my birthday. That shattered my confidence, trust and broke my heart. I understand its not like I was an angel either. I'm certain I'm also the reason why he went and did those action. Especially due to our constant fighting and etc. So all of these definitely made me feel like I wasn't enough and contribute to my mental block when it comes to weight loss or even to compete with all these girls that he has an interest in. Now, after several years, I am healing and I am trying to recover. It has especially been great in the last year or 2 of our relationship.

Throughout the years, I've realized that it wasn't just about the "looks" and appearance is what he wants. That part is a bonus for him, especially if we want to be more intimate. More and more it was clear to me he was just desperately trying to get the message across to me and that my health is important. If I were to continue this path of bad food habits and lifestyle, I eventually will get cancer and health issues. I feel sorry for him, for having to fight this battle by himself. Especially since I was too dense to understand the message and implications if I don't change my lifestyle now. I do thank god or the higher power to have put him in my life path.

So after that session with my friend, it got me thinking, everything that I've fixed and resolved was together with him. He helped me through it all. Then why is the weight loss so difficult for the both of us? For him it was the constant promises that I've made and not able to fulfill it. Also for the lack of progression in the last 6 years. It is a topic that he is not neutral and same with me. This is a topic that is super sensitive and difficult for me to talk about. 

I need him so as Shamine suggested, I need to start practicing "Freedom" in my daily life. So I've decided to try and talk to my husband about this Topic and ask him for his help and input. Eventhough, I have huge fears about it, I want to be more open and free to him.

So I tried it and I gave it a go, turns out it was one of the best conversation I've had with him. All my fears and concern were not real and I've realized that it has always been simply in my head all this while. I've consciously tried to explain my train of thoughts and also trying really hard not to take things personally. He also did his absolute best to not judge me, and was so sweet,patient, understanding and kind to me. With his help, I've finally solved one of my biggest struggle and road blocks that I've had my whole life. I owe this man a better version of me. One that we can grow old & happy together.

Issues uncovered

1. Lack of Self Confidence

• The yearly set goals and pressure to achieve the weight loss in certain timings are stressful
• Lack of understanding the mental block that I have has affected the weight loss journey
• Lack of confidence due to what is known and the strategy that has worked in Japan and Australia is not able to be replicated in Malaysia.
• Due to not having a clear strategy and approach to weight loss as well as the constant pressure is affecting the weight loss motivation.

2. Strategy

• Loss weight when in Japan and Australia
• Gained weight when in Malaysia 
• Beliefs: Unhappy in Malaysia and hate to be associated with Malays due to bad stigma
• In Japan & Australia, had the freedom to walk anywhere and everywhere without worrying for safety.
• Was walking, daily steps of 20,000 steps on average
• Able to cycle, walking to train station, run to Bondi beach, Run, walk on massive UNSW Campus, healthy food options
• Same strategy cannot be applied whenever return to Malaysia. Due to safety issues, food that is being sold not as healthy and etc.
• I only know 1 strategy that works for my body, unfortunately not applicable for Malaysia and thus become lost and not knowing what would work best.

3. High Achiever / Target unmet 

• Super competitive, always set a goal & goals will always be met
• Beliefs: Setting a target and a goal always worked out for my work/career. Figured same results would occur if the same strategy is implemented
• Set a target on my monthly calendar on daily weight goals target
• Would be able to achieve it for a week & once it is plateaued, will get demotivated 

4. Time

• Lack of time to exercise due to work, long commute
• Beliefs: Require a 30 - 60 minutes to exercise in order for it to be worth it

Conclusion & Solutions

1. Lack of Self Confidence

• Timer to achieve the weight loss target is to be removed from my mine for now.
• Target to practice the below strategy first and observe the progress in the next couple of months.
• Try to improve in self confidence by taking it day by day and improving step by step

2. Strategy

• Remove the daily target on my calendar.
• Record the progress daily but not to put too much pressure on myself
• Exercise daily and doesn't matter the duration. 5 mins, 10 mins
• Exercise consistently, daily and slowly, you will see improvement.
• Eliminate total carbs and sugar from your diet.
• Eventually, my body will auto adjust and will know if the exercises is too easy
• Record weight, food, drink for own knowledge

3. High Achiever / Target unmet 

• Remove the daily target on my calendar.
• Create a new target, aim to exercise daily for now
• Create target revolves around correcting habits

4. Time

• In a day, take at least 5 minutes to exercise
• Exercise throughout the day
• Doesn't matter on the duration.

Let's do this!!