Landmark Forum

Today I've discovered about myself. I went for landmark forum that was introduced by Katya. I've always wanted to do this for the longest time and If it wasn't for my brother who sponsored me, I wouldn't be able to do  it. Much to my surprise I've found so much things about myself and I'm so glad that I'm alive and that I can do anything and everything in the world. On the first day, which was Friday, I've discovered that I've made my own story, and my story is every time something happened to me, either I got bullied, or being compared with my sister, or anything I would interpret is as me being stupid and that it means i had to be someone else in order to be accepted. So I will always continue to repeat my cycle everytime I'm being stupid i will be a people's pleaser and a chameleon and what not and I will never be happy. Then I've realized that I've been over compensating myself and thus I would do Scythian and everything to make me become smart. I've always wanted to do arts/fashion and design but I could never do it because i thought it was stupid. the moment I've found out about it I found relief in myself and  felt so wonderful. Then on Saturday night there was this fear session which is actually called as the "power gain" exercise. They've asked us to close our eyes and feel all of our fears out. Once I am in tune with my fears, i just started to cry and started to bawl my eyes out. I felt all my fears, everything and I started to cry non stop and i couldn't breathe and then suddenly, I've stopped and there was a moment of silence and clarity. i suddenly stopped crying all together and then all my fears was gone. The feeling was so sensational that i started thinking to myself  "What? that's it?" and I caught myself laughing non stop. After that i was just super duper happy and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. It felt so great that I  was overly joyed and happy. Then today on the third day, I've got all that i needed to get out of the forum and wasn't feeling like i got a breakthrough that much on a third day. Then there's this guy his name is phillip and here he is ,sitting next to me and started talking to me. He went up on the microphone earlier and started to share about his story how he had change a lot of jobs and he knows everything about anything coz he's so smart. Then one day he made a huge breakthrough by owing an investment bank and he made millions out of it. but then one day he went bankrupt and lost all of his money and only had 1 dollar left to buy bread. he was so depressed and he tried to commit suicide but the trigger never went off. it was broken. and then he realized something, he realized that he was there in this world because he has a purpose in life. in then there was a guy who had turrets and he needed surgery, he went a head and paid 50 thousand dollars so that this guy could get into a surgery. even though he had no money left.  This guy is incredibly intelligent and as i sat next to him towards the end of the forum session and then I've managed to have a conversation with him for a little bit. he asked me what i was studying and I've said that i'm studying molecular biology and doing honours and i told him about my research project. and that i'm observing the effect of cisplatin, an anti tumor drug that has a similar component to cisplatin but doesn't have the same amount of toxicity. And then phillip said to me that i am smart for knowing that once i got into honours i knew it wasn't what i expected for it to be is not what i wanted in life. and he told me that as i stood up there and telling people about my life and views he was thinking to himself, "What a smart and intelligent person this girl is because she figured it all out in such a short time". I was so touched when he said that. Then he told me that you know i love my fashion and arts too but it doesn't mean anything. it just means that i love fashion an arts. and then he told me that he i din't need to tell him and talk to him about all this jargon asn i was explaining to him about my project coz he can write up a formulas for me about cell divisions nd anything related to cell. and then he said that i know how it feels like to hide your intelligence and made yourself feel dumb and stupid just to fit in . once he said that i've started to cry non stop. coz at that moment i knew he's right. and i just realized that all my life everytime i'm close to success I've always sabotage it in some ways or another. if my interpretation was that i am stupid then i have to make up for it by being someone else by being smart, i was wrong because in fact all my life i've been hiding the fact that i'm smart and that everytime i do something i'm just magically good at it. sports, computer games, studies and what not. but i've been hiding myself so that i don't stand out and be called like a freak or be shun. coz everytime i've showed my smart and intelligence i got shut down. and that's why for the most part i've sabotage myself and even though i got scholarship some of the things i could have done, i've backed off. i could have become a doctor but i backed off. i could have a better grades but then i didnt/ and all of hat. and then i just remembered that i have a notebook that  is custom made and i'm in love with albert einstein and thus he wrote a love not to me. and then i've finally realized that i choose to be in honours and i've choose to do my project in creatign a drug in cancer. and here he is believing in me and he told me that he can see me winning a nobel prize and he can see me make a difference and saving people's life. i've never had someone in my life who believed in me so much more than i do myself. and i told him i was going to enroll in the advance course and i was going to ask my mom to pay for it but then he said no do it now and he decided to pay it for me. he paid for my advance course class for the landmark forum which is 785 australian dollars. Here there's this guy who believed in me before i even did. and for that i'm eternally grateful to him for showing me that its okay to be myself fully and be the intelligent person that I am. no more hiding. and thus i'm making this commitment right now that my i am my word and my word is I'm curing cancer and saving people's life. because of him i'm going to do awesome and will fulfill all of my dreams.

Dear Phillip you have no idea how much you've impacted me. I love you for giving me the chance to be great and such a wonderful and whole new person. I wrote down what you've said to me coz i want to remember every single little details about it coz you completely altered my life and perception