Alchemist Heels

Dear god, In the last couple of days, I've been happier and I thank you for supporting me all this while. I thank you for giving me all the friends in my life... I appreacite it soo much. God you even opened up steven's hard and calmed him down thank you soo much for that god. I have to say this semester i've worked soo hard and I thank you for allowing me to plow through all of these obstacle and doing well in all of my exams.. dear God i want to pray to you to allow me to get accepted into honours. please allow me to go through honours program in UNSW. i would really appreaciate the opportunity that you would give to me.. Please allow me to get into honours. It is something that i want, and i believe it is also somethign that i can use in the future to help others. God you are all mighty and you are all knowing. You know the right path for me to take. so god please allow me to get into honours for next year. Thank you so much for allowing me to have the best grades i...

A friend told me that you are how you play games, I've noticed that too, he's right though.. I really hate to admit it though.. Perhaps by understanding myself, I can solve all of my problems and get to the root of it all. I get frustrated when I lose = Coz I expect myself to be the best at everything I don't scout as much = Coz I think I already know it all I don't attack as much = Coz I'm scared of challenges and I never think that I'm ready. I use the same strategy over and over again but does not properly analyse the game = Coz I'm lazy, can't be bothered and think everything comes easy. I can't do 2-3 things in one go = I can't multitask I always use the basic unit and try to finish the game ASAP = Coz I have lack of patient and always want to end the game as early as I can. I like hidden expansion = Coz I like getting an advantage before anyone else and not share it with them I like warp prisms drop ship = Coz it is unexpected and ...

So guilty.... I don't want any of my friends to experience hunger... So I don't know what to do... I'll ask him later if he wants to have lunch with me... Its too difficult... I have no money... I just don't know what to do... I feel so guitly.. and tomorrow is my exam... I hope I can finish studying on time.... Please understand my position... Hope you won't let your ego or pride take over you...

Dear Guilt, WHY do you come and destroy me so, WHY am I in this suffocating situation, I feel like I can't expressed myself, I feel like I'm drowning, In misery and in guilty, I've tried to help people, I've tried giving my love to those who needs it, But then why..... Why do I get taken advantage off.... I just don't get it... Its killing me... Its suffocating me.. I'm tired.... I'm drowning... I'm anxious... I want to help you..... so bad.... But I also feel like I have to take care of myself For once I have to say no.... It doesn't feel good at all... But the alternative is worst... If I don't learn how to.. then I'll be stuck in this circle...for a awhile.. I need to break free.... Since I've met you there are goods and bad things that has happened to me... The good stuff are good. but the bad stuff are worst then the good stuff.. We've fought a lot, You wanted things to be your way, I'm passive an...

I was talking to my mother yesterday, and was talking to shaz the day before that, I've realised that I've come from a very long and hard journey in the last couple of years. I felt as if I'm soo blessed and I've never really thought about it until circumstances shows up in my face. Talking to shaz and talking to my mom I've realised my ability to have a different outlook and point of view and try to be in other people's shoes. I have you god to thank for because you set up path and circumstances for me to follow through and gave me the chance to meet all the people that matters and help me to become a better person. I'm thankful that You've given me Steven, Yu shan and all of the other people I've met in my life. They all mean so much to me. And all of them have thought me to become a better person. Thank you for filling my life with a bunch of friends and influential people that helps me find my direction in life. Thank you for giving me the gift...

To my future self, I hope one day when you see this list, you'll manage to cross out most of the list. Always remember that in life, we need a little excitement. Because we're Gemini! My Bucket List  Skydiving Climb a mountain Be two place at the same time Go some place where I have a chance to stargaze Reach 55KG Scuba Diving Climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge Be Famous Travel around the World See Aurora Wealthy Own a Porsche/Mercedez Work in another country Find awesome group of friends Find the Love of my Life Have beautiful Children Have beautiful family Be good in starcraft Play a musical Instrument Be on TV Study Overseas Undergraduate Graduate from UNSW Make a meaningful in life Tried out modelling  Was Rusk hair model Fly in a helicopter Go Backpacking Own an Ipad Own a business Tough personality Strip Club Driving a racing car Own a mansion Go kayaking or rapid canoeying Fishing Trapeze Sydney Trapeze School Go see the seven wonder...

I have a list of names that I would like to name my kids one day. But I can never remember them all. Perhaps I should write it down in my Blog. Naima Aurora Yurie Hime Evangeline Lily Lohki Maria Luciana Luciela Irukandji Meredith Linali or Rinali Ivan Ryu Lucas Nathan or Nathaniel, Hailey Khalessi Silas (Some sort of japanese name)

Dear GOD, Thank you for answering my prayers through different forms. I'm grateful to have you in my life and I'm truly grateful to have the family that I have. Today I felt good because I was able to wake up and go to the gym and exercise my heart out and get rid of the obstacles in which that was in my head. Thank you for your kind gifts today. I'm truly blessed.. Currently my obstacle is with my studying. I hope when I wake up tomorrow, my mind will be clear and I would be able to answer any forms of questions on monday for my mid terms exam. Dear GOD, Please set up a circumstance that would allow me to study fully within the next two days and Help me to clear my mind from all anxiousness and worries that I have in my head. Hopefully I won't have any disturbance for the next whole week and I can be by myself doing my own work. GOD, please grant me the gift of wisdom, patients and understanding so that I can do well for my test on Monday. I'm goign to work h...

Dear GOD, Lately I haven't been feeling like myself.. I've lost my joy and happiness.. I wake up to my daily routines of always the same thing over and over again... and its worst coz I'm stuck in my own world in my head... I know its too much for me to ask when I pray and always ask for the same things. I don't know what would be the correct way for me to do this... GOD, you are almighty and all knowing... and you have the ability to see the forsesight, the ability to see the future... and the ability to change... I hope you can help me out of this. Its always about the mentality. My mentality and how I see things. I hope you can help me by getting rid of my anxiousness, and worries about things that does not matter much in Life.. God you know what would be the best for me, Currently i feel suffocated, and I want to get out of my situation and allow me to be the person that I am. However, I don't know how or what would be the best. Dear god, please let me have ...

HELP ME GET OUT OF MY MISERY... Life's not bad. all my problems seems petty... WHY do I CARE so MUCH? Sometimes I wish I'm a bitch... Life's just easier like that..

Why do I dream of you when it was all over like 3 years ago? I guess I just miss the person you were, the person you thought me to be, the person I am today.. Dayum my heart was so broken.. Don't think I can get over you that fast.. After all you were the best I've ever had in terms of memories, love and the relationship we had.. I miss you.. and I can't forget about you.. Coz you've been everything to me and more.. Wonder if I'll ever meet anyone like you in my life... Soft, sweet, poetic, talented, games, smart, wise, patient, righteous, caring, lovable, aggresive.. Though at the same time you also made me realised about the person that I am and how weak I am.. It makes me wonder sometimes whether you were only with me coz you had to be with me.. Not coz you actually did love me at any point. Pathethic.. I don't even know why I can't find anyone like you, I don't even know why i choose to be stuck in my own world in my own cycle... Its over and done wi...

So long, FAREWELL , Its been a year since I've written my thoughts down on paper. It seems that I've changed a lot since  last year. Major ups and down going on.. A lot of things that I would like to forget.. A lot of fights a lot of predictabilities events. Some times I get sucked into the same old routine, the same old fights, the same mindset, the same weakness, same laziness.... But I don't know how to get out of it. The sad part is I want to change but its so hard.. Perhaps because its been ingrained in myself.. I don't understand sometimes how I can allow things/ people to step all over me, and hope to god that people will change. They will never and thus I always have to.. Perhaps I have to remember that there is nothing out there that I can't get myself out of. Its stupid because lately my anxiousness has doubled and when I get worried about things that have yet to come, its really hard for me to break out off. Its because I think too much... I think of al...