Predictibility

So long, FAREWELL,

Its been a year since I've written my thoughts down on paper. It seems that I've changed a lot since  last year. Major ups and down going on.. A lot of things that I would like to forget.. A lot of fights a lot of predictabilities events. Some times I get sucked into the same old routine, the same old fights, the same mindset, the same weakness, same laziness.... But I don't know how to get out of it. The sad part is I want to change but its so hard.. Perhaps because its been ingrained in myself.. I don't understand sometimes how I can allow things/ people to step all over me, and hope to god that people will change. They will never and thus I always have to.. Perhaps I have to remember that there is nothing out there that I can't get myself out of. Its stupid because lately my anxiousness has doubled and when I get worried about things that have yet to come, its really hard for me to break out off. Its because I think too much... I think of all the possibilities ways for things to go WRONG around me. I need to get rid of all this anxiousness in me. I have to learn to forget things sometimes and keep moving forward... The worst thing is that lately I can see everyone's true colour and thoughts are.. Thus it affects me greatly.. Worst of all I see things coming from a mile a way... Then why am I still miserable and allow them to get the best of me? I don't think I've ever done anything else but be kind to everyone else... Then why is it when I messed up once, it affects me greatly.. I don't get that at all... Why can't you just leave me alone? Don't you know, that you're are the reason why I haven't improved? Its because my world and everything revolves around you.. I have no time for you, and you can not blame me for the things I can't control.. You can't blame me for the things I have done. You aren't as understanding of a person and yet I can't man it up to you and tell it to your face? Why because I'm afraid.. damn.. How pathetic can I be... I will never improve id I'm like this all the time... I will never... I need to fix my condition I  need to do things right.. But how can I when my will is almost non existent.. I don't know how I can get this far.. my mental is not as strong.. Wish I can be a stronger person overall.... I need to learn how to calm down, stand up for myself and not worry until things actually happens.. Settle it when it comes my way.. If not just let it be..  get out of this stupidity now.. Don't be a lazy arse.. and sleep your way through things.. life doesn't work that way.

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