Alchemist Heels

Dear God, This year has been such a learning curve for me. There were multiple of struggles that i had to go through throughout all of the time that I've been staying here. Now the biggest struggle is to actually be an adult and be on my own for a while. There's my thesis that is due tomorrow and man how i'm strugling so much to actually try and complete the work. I've been procrastinating a lot. I guess I'm really done with uni life and I just don't want to work anymore and do anymore assignments. I guess I just want to relax chill and just let lose and just move on with my life. There's that struggle with my mom, who apposes the idea of me staying with steven in the same household. Man was i upset. She was very upset at the idea as well. What am I suppose to do with that God. You would know best on what I need to do. Then there's that strugle with actually being with steven. Some days god its really tough to be with him. All I am is just a ball of sa...

Listen to my self. Don't doubt your inner thoughts, Release the insecurities, Believe in your self. Hardworker, Rainmaker, Self fullfilling prophecy, Achiever. Never underestimate yourself, Eat healthy, Live well, Get thin, Get fit. Smile, Find strength, Don't live in such an innocent lifestyle. Love others, Love yourself, Love the wicked in you, Tame the wicked in you. Stop fighting yourself so hard, Just embrace yourself, Just listen to yourself, Just live and breath and accept. Acceptance is key....

He's not perfect . You aren't either and the two of you will never be perfect.  But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can.  He isn`t going to quote poetry, he`s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don`t hurt him, don`t change him, and don`t expect more than he can give.  Don`t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he`s not there.  Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don`t exist but there is always that one guy that is perfect for you  ~ Bob MArley

IN the last couple of months, it has been a lot of ups and downs for me. I can't help but feeling everything really happens for a reason. my relationship with god grew stronger. He continuously builds me up and keeping me centered and helping me to see what is the right way  and how he has build a path for me to follow. Thank you lord for giving me that opportunity to shine and for me to go through all these hard obstacle and making me stronger in the last coule of weeks. I can't help but feeling there is a reason for everything Dear lord, I was wonderign why you ever put him in my path. He's always been there, he has all this great and awesome qualities in a man and i've learned so much with him. Then god, why did you make us become more than friends? I really had a great time and i really enjoyed myself for the first 2 weeks of our relationship. Somehow everything else starts to turn to hell after the first initial 2 weeks. It was really hard for  both  him and I t...

1) Getting better at starcraft 2 game (having the ability to understand the game and executing all the game plays that i've desired, Be able to get into platinum league at least) 2) Getting FIRST CLASS HONOURS (change mindset, be strong, do more work and get it)   Got Second class hon div 1 81 wam. (that's not too bad) 3) Learn a musical instrument well. Either guitar or somethign else like drum or piano. 4) Learn basketball (to understand the game and be able to think strategicly and fix fine motor skillls) 5) Have a stronger character/ mindset so that people can't break me and so that I can think on my feet when i'm being pressured 6) Get a great an awesome first job that I love, in a foreign country 7) Travel as much as i can an visit new places every year 8) Become smarter and expose myself to new discovery and new knowlege 9) Know how to survive in the wild. (READ SAS) understand all the knots and thigns to do like readinga  compass, find food, how ...

So couple months ago i've declared that I was going to lose weight and wanted to achieve 55 kg. Now after 6 months, my weight fluctuate between 56-57kg. I still have about 1 week to left before my brother's wedding so I will achieve it, and strive to lose that remaining 1-2 kg left. Its amazing how things tend to work out when you put your mind into it. ALthough I really want a hot body likehtose korean girls with sexy long legs and curvy body. Like the girls from "Waveya", the pro dance cover girls. Especially in their video gangna style. I'm proud of myself to be bale to lose such a lot of weight within 6 months. My initial weight was 76kg when i first started and i weight atmy heaviest at 85kg back in 2009. Now for the rest of the year, I will maintain and I will achieve 50 kg soon enough. and perhaps after that 45 kg. I can't wait to go back home for abang's wedding and feeling good about myself. I just followed the no carb diet, and exercise everyday ...

Today I've discovered about myself. I went for landmark forum that was introduced by Katya. I've always wanted to do this for the longest time and If it wasn't for my brother who sponsored me, I wouldn't be able to do  it. Much to my surprise I've found so much things about myself and I'm so glad that I'm alive and that I can do anything and everything in the world. On the first day, which was Friday, I've discovered that I've made my own story, and my story is every time something happened to me, either I got bullied, or being compared with my sister, or anything I would interpret is as me being stupid and that it means i had to be someone else in order to be accepted. So I will always continue to repeat my cycle everytime I'm being stupid i will be a people's pleaser and a chameleon and what not and I will never be happy. Then I've realized that I've been over compensating myself and thus I would do Scythian and everything to make m...

You know I've been watching the biggest loser and similar stories like amazing race and well big bang fantastic baby to make me feel like awesome and into losing weight. Well sometime it does motivate me and sometimes not really. I need to lose weight and I need to at least be 55 kg. though i want to be 50 kg. it seems impossible. now i weight like on and off 68-65 kg. I need to lose like 10 kg by september. jeeesus.. together with the fact that i have to go to uni in the morning early kills me too. sigh. so anyways I'm gonna try my best in september to lose weight by at least 10 kg. I have like 6 more months to go.... so gonna aim to lose atleast 2.5 kg per month. which doesn't sound too bad.... I do want toooo lose weight asap i need to stay motivated and stay focus and well just lose all da weight that i needed too do.. ganbattte. I will achive it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear God, Today I've decided to apply for part time job. Dear God, I pray to you so that I would get an opportunity to get a good part time job that suits my studies and would allow me to earn some decent pocket money, on top of having a great experience for me to build on my future career path. Right now I need your guidance and I need my luck to allow me to work in a place where I would get good pay, great distance from home and great experience for me to put on my resume. Please help me dear GOD. I want to try my best this year. I want to get a first class honours. I'm going to aim high so that even if I do fall I'll fall among the stars. Please open some doors and opportunities for me dear god. It is important to me... Thank you for everything that you've done for me I really do appreciate it god. I love you From your faithful servant

Dear God, Thanks for giving your gift to my cousin's Uncle, Uncle Ali, the gift of foursight. I  trully apreaciate. He mentioned that I will be better in Fashion and I will flourish in Fashion stream. I've talked to my mom, she said it was allright for me to pursue my dreams.My sis said that I should do things that relates to Fashion aswell. Funny that uncle mentioned Donna Karan. So I will try my best to pursue my dreams. as long as I know what it is that I'm going for. I need to stop thinking of bad things and fears. I think this year is the year for me to go big and pursue all of my dreams. I will have to do it sooner or later. So lets do it and pursue the things I want in life. Opportunities are everywhere. Lets do it as much as I can. God thanks for giving the gift to this uncle Ali. I do feel sad for him because he has help a lotof people and i'm wondering if he"s ever sad and be lonely that people just come to him for the reading and not for him. not to ...

I know you're out there for me. Delete the bad stuff come in the good.  Let me in the path of great happiness. Find me Love, Find me gifts.  The side of the creativity that I've yet to encounter.  Good night world.  Find me a definition, Find me LIFE, Find me PASSION... Find me LOVE...

Dear God, I thank you for providing me the path and lead me to Kila's uncle. I thank you for giving him the gift so that he can help others who are in need. Today I've learn a lot about myself. I've seen what the future hold for me, however I will not write about it here. This is because I would like to forget about it. Forget about it so that it'll come true one day. Anyway today I've learn a lot of bad things about me. My personality and everything. The negative part. I need to find myself. I need to know who I am. I need to know what are the things that I'll enjoy. I need to forget to please people. I need to be selfish. I need to pamper myself. I need to give myself priority. Today I was asked to give away the thing that I love most, which is Jinbei, away. It works as a symbol so that I can get rid of my fears, my insecurities and all my bad traits such as emotional, pleasing people, competitive and everything. I need to find the direction I want to head. I...

Dear God, Thanks for helping me out and providing me to the path and to show me the right way. Thank you for clearing my point of view and everything. Dear God, I'm praying to you. I need to get Steven away from my life. Please God. I need him to stay away from me because he has given me such hardship and emotional roller coaster. Even though he has also given me good emotions. I thank you for giving Kila's Uncle the ability to help others. I really and truly appreciate it. Message in a bottle Message in a bottle, As stubborn as you can be, Refuse to let me go, AND you'll still be gunning for me. Message in a bottle, Let me be, Free me from your grip, So that I will free myself from thee. Message in a bottle, Leave me be, Get away from me, So that I can be free. Message in a bottle, I threw you away, In a running river, To drift you away from my life. Message in a bottle, Don't come back, Don't get close to me, Just Forget about me, and leave me be. M...

Dear God, Thank you for giving my family and I endless of abundance throughout today and for the rest of the year and coming year. Dear God, I appreciate everything that you've given me. Thank you so much. I really truly appreciate it. May you lead me to the path of great part time job and great research ideas and great UNSW year thank you :) Kind Regards, Your Faithful servant Farhana Jamil

DARN YOU, Why am I so jealous of you, I can't believe you got into newspapers and what not, selling your life story as if it were good, when it was just something normal. YOU make me feel insecure, with your beautiful features, and your height, and everything else about you, I want to be that too, I feel so insecure, Really am jealous of you, I want to be thin aswell, I want to be pretty aswell Coz I have everything else that you don't Except for me being thin, Once I am, On top of everything else, I will own you. And everything else that you think I can't reach I will, You will be my bitch, Once again. Ne ga che cha la ga

1) Finish reading all the classic Novels        - Brother Grimm's Fairytales        - Dracula        - Vanity Fair        - Awakening        - Tales of mysteries and Imaginations        - A tale of two cities        - Homer the Illiad       2) Read more books all the ones I haven't read yet       - All the names - Jose Saramago 3) Finish cleaning the sofa 4) Finish my one piece model       - Merry Go       - Merry Go flying model 5) Exercise and lose a bit of weight before I leave 6) Get my transformer tab 7) Do a bit of crosstich 8) Get my Visa done 9) Get scholarship for last remaining year. 10) Be the best!

Things has become more and more clear to me. I know what I need to do this year. I'm going to go all out and do it and be the best at all of it. I WANT IT ALL as long as you allow me too. I just need to work hard. 1) DO WELL IN HONOURS 2) Complete Honours program 3) Apply for med school 4) Find a part time job in some sort of medical field  5) Get PR. apply for PR 6) Go to the Forum introduced by Katya 7) Grow a spine and stand up for myself 8) Spends more time for myself 9) Spend more time studying and doing well 10) Find out information for how to do well in Honours program.

Dear god, I didn't get a chance to properly thank you for getting me into honors program. I wanted to be the best and I've been trying my hardest to focus on my studies and getting into honors. Dear god thank you for all your supports and all the things that you've let me experience in this life of mine. I truly appreciate everything you've giving me. Lately I've been exposed to a lot of inspirational stories. I believe this is your doing. I believe you're slowly pushing me to the right path. I believe you are giving me all the opportunities that I've never got. I've realised that you've given my such wonderful life and you've been protecting me throughout all this time. Dear god I thank thee. You're my everything. you've given me a lot of gifts. I just hope that one day I can give it all back. I want to learn more. I want to be someone who you're proud of. God I believe I excel more when I have challenges in my life. There are so...